Parent: what does a cow say?
Baby: "moo!"
Parent: yes! And what does a sheep say?
Baby: "baah!"
Parent: yay! And what does a pig say?
Baby: *whistles* "damn babygirl u a fine piece'a ass wanna hop n my car n ill drive ya to pound town!!"
majored-in-not-dancing:

nerdytransgirl:

undeadthug:

where do grandmas and aunties even buy this shit? It’s not in stores???do they have a dealer who sells to them???? 

OK, IM GONNA LET YOU LITTLE SHITS ON A LITTLE SECRET. YOU CAN GET THOSE CANDIES HERE. BUT THATS NOT ALL!!! THIS FUCKING WEBSITE HAS ALL YOUR FUCKING CANDY NEEDS AND THEN SOME!!!!
NEED SIX POINT SIX POUNDS OF SOUR RAINBOW BELTS???

BAM!!!
ALL FOR UNDER FIFTY FUCKING DOLLARS!!!! BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO WASH ALL OF THEM DOWN? THERE OBVIOUSLY ISNT ENOUGH SUGAR IN THESE BELTS SO LETS WASH THEM DOWN WITH THIS:

THATS RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER! THIRTY TWO GODDAMMED OUNCES OF SWEET, SWEET POWDERED STRAWBERRY FLAVOR!!! BUT LET’S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY WITH ALL THIS BECASUE WE’RE GOING TO GRANDMAS, WE’D BETTER GET SOME SHIT FOR HER. AND WHAT BETTER THING TO GET FOR HER THAN SOME SUGAR DADDIES???

THATS RIGHT, THATS 24 SUGAR DADDIES FOR GRAM GRAM. BUT, UH-OH!! LOOKS LIKE WE SPILLED UNCLE H’S BLUE ROCK CANDY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! WHERE ELSE CAN WE GET 5 POUNDS OF PURE BLUE ROCK CANDY??? RIGHT FUCKING HERE!!!

THIS FUCKING WEBSITE IS SO FUCKING SWEET, IT GIVES YOU DIABETUS JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. NOW DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO FIND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED ON THIS SITE BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME AND I HAVENT COME DOWN OFF MY LAST ORDER OF CANDY YET AND THE NEXT IS ALREADY IN THE MAIL SOMEBODY HELP ME IM NOT AN ADULT I CANT MAKE THESE DECISIONS 

OH MY GOD

majored-in-not-dancing:

nerdytransgirl:

undeadthug:

where do grandmas and aunties even buy this shit? It’s not in stores???do they have a dealer who sells to them???? 

OK, IM GONNA LET YOU LITTLE SHITS ON A LITTLE SECRET. YOU CAN GET THOSE CANDIES HERE. BUT THATS NOT ALL!!! THIS FUCKING WEBSITE HAS ALL YOUR FUCKING CANDY NEEDS AND THEN SOME!!!!

NEED SIX POINT SIX POUNDS OF SOUR RAINBOW BELTS???

BAM!!!

ALL FOR UNDER FIFTY FUCKING DOLLARS!!!! BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO WASH ALL OF THEM DOWN? THERE OBVIOUSLY ISNT ENOUGH SUGAR IN THESE BELTS SO LETS WASH THEM DOWN WITH THIS:

THATS RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER! THIRTY TWO GODDAMMED OUNCES OF SWEET, SWEET POWDERED STRAWBERRY FLAVOR!!! BUT LET’S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY WITH ALL THIS BECASUE WE’RE GOING TO GRANDMAS, WE’D BETTER GET SOME SHIT FOR HER. AND WHAT BETTER THING TO GET FOR HER THAN SOME SUGAR DADDIES???

THATS RIGHT, THATS 24 SUGAR DADDIES FOR GRAM GRAM. BUT, UH-OH!! LOOKS LIKE WE SPILLED UNCLE H’S BLUE ROCK CANDY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! WHERE ELSE CAN WE GET 5 POUNDS OF PURE BLUE ROCK CANDY??? RIGHT FUCKING HERE!!!

THIS FUCKING WEBSITE IS SO FUCKING SWEET, IT GIVES YOU DIABETUS JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. NOW DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO FIND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED ON THIS SITE BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME AND I HAVENT COME DOWN OFF MY LAST ORDER OF CANDY YET AND THE NEXT IS ALREADY IN THE MAIL SOMEBODY HELP ME IM NOT AN ADULT I CANT MAKE THESE DECISIONS 

OH MY GOD

vinebox:

every guy on those speed dating shows on MTV in the early 2000s

callipygianology:

englishjakes:

rosalind franklin discovered the double helix in dna but her research was stolen by two men before she could properly share the information and now watson and crick are famous for what she spent years studying

Plus she developed ovarian cancer that was most likely caused by radiation from the HUNDREDS of hours spent using x ray crystallography to ascertain the structure. She literally worked herself to death to be a footnote in most genetics textbooks.

videogamebf:

spacemoss:

love this feeling

you fuckin love shoving your feet in gross muddy grass? you like that? are you a frog? do you fuck frog too then? disgusting frog fucker

videogamebf:

spacemoss:

love this feeling

you fuckin love shoving your feet in gross muddy grass? you like that? are you a frog? do you fuck frog too then? disgusting frog fucker

damnbluspy:

I dont think people understand how important this clip is to me…..

littlederplet:

madehimsaycomfychairs:

i-eat-men-like-air:

john oliver is really not messing around 

He is nowhere near the general location of even kind of messing around.

Everyone must watch last week tonight because it is the realest shit bro

malglories:


i’m not even going to wait until october this year
the ghost jokes have begun

malglories:

i’m not even going to wait until october this year

the ghost jokes have begun

striders:

last night my mom was like “you know what? you should go to law school, you’d be a great lawyer” and all i can picture is lawyer-me making fart noises with my mouth every time the opposing lawyer tries to talk